Damn girl-
That whole online dating thing is harder than it looks. How does a nice, awesome lady like yourself sift through the piles of messages from creepers in your inbox? Here's how I've managed to spot the douchebag in the mess of inbox princes in 4 easy steps:
1. His profile pic is a disembodied torso. Optional toolbag pics include closeups of a car or their tribal tattoo.
Douchebags like to let the spray tan do the talking and what that tan is telling you is that he can't wait to totally forget to call you. It also says "Hey girl, I'm as worried about your orgasm as I am about skin cancer." Do yourself a favor and make the distinction that if the dude is headless, that's a dealbreaker.
2. Tools tend to message you with an utter lack of words. The following are actual messages I've received:
;)
'sup
heyy shawty
Gurl hollaback
Heyy hw R u?
8/10
you look like u have hot boob. lol
Some of them are budding examples of attempts at the written word but illiteracy derailed them before they could hatch into fully formed coherent statements like "I'd love to hear back from you" or "You seem nice." Guys who refuse to use written language to communicate with you in a forum based on the written word lead me to believe they will not, in general, turn out to be a good communicators.
3. Douchebags of a feather flock together.
Is that a group shot of guys doing body shots off a girl on a pool table? #winning!
Are his friends total nobs? Chances are he is too. Humans surround themselves with people who share their values. Don't want to date a guy who uses a skateboard as his main mode of transport to head over and borrow twenty bucks from his mom? Check out his friends. Are they on skateboards? Do they think the cast of Jersey Shore make for good role models? If your interests include having no idea what Jersey Shore is, there's a good chance he isn't the prince charming you've been looking for.
4. He sends you a pic of his "package"
Nothing says "you are an object to me" like a close-up of some junk. A dude that represents himself by sending a total stranger a picture of his man-branch is trying to tell you something very important about the fundamental contents of his soul: he's a prick.
Do yourself, and women everywhere, a favor and don't hit reply unless it's to tell him that his message is a waste of bandwidth and he should get back to reading that chapter on 'negging' in The Game. Demand more and maybe he'll realize that these profiles he's sifting through to trawl for action belong to actual lady humans.
